Spanking Survey 2009

There is the constant debate of whether spanking is okay or not. See what the survey found!

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Everybody's child at some point becomes that kid: the one punching, kicking, tossing stuff, or generally engaging in bad behavior that can't be ignored. It's a primal thing, a rite of passage on your child's journey to being an individual. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer to how you should react to your child. And opinions about what to do about the bad child vary - a lot.

BabyCenter recently conducted an exclusive survey to uncover the "bottom line" on spanking and other discipline techniques used by today's parents. We discovered that a large percentage of moms are raising their children somewhat differently than they themselves were brought up.

Of the more than 1,300 moms we surveyed, 81 percent were spanked as kids, but only 49 percent of them choose to swat their own kids. This increasing reluctance to spank reflects one of the golden rules of raising kids: Do as I do. In other words, a no-hitting policy is easier to enforce when everyone - including Mom and Dad - is on board.

For moms who do spank, however, restraint is key: The number one rule expressed by moms in our survey was "never spank out of anger or frustration."

Read on for more results and tips on how to instruct your little ones lovingly and effectively.

If spanking is on the outs, what's taking its place?

Time-outs and removal of privileges top the list of preferred correction techniques - 90 percent of moms use these methods (or plan to). In fact, today's moms are 194 percent more likely to use time-outs than their parents, showing that the time-out is truly a 21st century tool. 

Let's not forget yelling, either. Yelling beat spanking as the number one method moms would use if their child ran out into the street.

How does the spank rank?

Although most moms who answered our survey - 81 percent - were spanked as children, only 49 percent say they use this method in disciplining their own kids. Put another way, today's moms are 39 percent less likely to use spanking than their parents.

As one mom reasoned, "Although I was spanked as a child, I don't agree with it. If I'm teaching my children not to hit, why is it okay for me to hit?" Many moms chimed in on this point, explaining that hitting teaches children that violence is an acceptable solution, and that there are so many alternatives to spanking.

"I've asked myself the following question: Is spanking the best thing I can do for my child right now? I can't see any situation where that's true," said one. Other mothers simply feel that spanking isn't effective: "I don't plan on using spanking - I think it teaches children to 'behave' out of fear, not because they've learned right from wrong."

Another adds, "Since I am bigger, stronger, and smarter than my children, it's my job to find a better way of showing how much I love and care about them than hitting."

Many moms who were spanked as kids believe they were hit undeservedly, or out of anger or frustration. Says one mother, "I have bad memories of spanking from my childhood, and from my parents' frustration. Spanking had almost no disciplinary effect on me, but made me afraid of my parents and sneakier."

Moms are human too, of course. Several moms in our survey admitted to spanking even though they don't believe in it, and then used their slip-up as a way to teach an important lesson: Everyone makes mistakes.

"When (yes I have swatted) I have done so, I vehemently apologized and explained that I was wrong even though their particular behavior was unacceptable. I believe it's important for children to understand that parents are human and they make mistakes too."

• 81 percent of moms were spanked as children

• Today, only 49 percent of moms say they use spanking to discipline their children

• Moms today are 39 percent less likely to use spanking than their mother

• 68 percent said that when they were spanked, they felt it was undeserved

• 44 percent said they were spanked out of anger or frustration

If you're going to spank, what are the rules?

Kids aren't the only ones who have to follow rules. For moms who don't spare the rod, important rules apply.

Many mothers in our survey cited spanking as the method of last resort, and said the number one rule of spanking is "never spank in anger or frustration," a guideline 56 percent of moms follow. "The parent needs to be calm and beyond frustration," one pro-spanking mother says. Adds another, "If you spank your child out of anger, you run the risk of hurting your child."

Over half of moms who swat - 54 percent - explain to their children why they're being hit in an attempt to help them understand the scolding. And over one-third spank only if a child is doing something dangerous.

One survey taker explained, "It's not my preferred method, but in a dangerous situation, when the child isn't listening, it gets their attention and is a physical reminder to make a better choice next time."

• 56 percent never spank in anger or frustration

• 54 percent explain to their children why they're being spanked

• 34 percent only spank when their children do something dangerous

• 34 percent believe they shouldn't leave a mark, and that if the spanking results in a physical mark, there will be an emotional one too

• 15 percent only spank a padded/diapered bum

If your child ran into the street, what discipline technique would you use?

Half of moms would use yelling first to scold their child; 36 percent say they'd use spanking; and 32 percent say they'd use a time-out.

How old are children when parents begin spanking them?

The most common age for parents to introduce "the swat" is between 12 and 23 months, followed closely by the twos. What is it about these ages that inspires parents to spank?

Moms cite "crazy screaming," "hitting," and "defiance" - behaviors that can develop in the toddler years - as well as the belief that children this young can't understand the reasoning of a time-out. As children get older, spanking is introduced less frequently.

• 37 percent of moms introduced spanking when their child was between 12 and 23 months

• 31 percent introduced spanking when their child was 2

• 17 percent introduced spanking when their child was 3

Are experienced moms more or less likely to use spanking?

The more experience a parent has, the less likely she is to use spanking as a disciplinary measure. This seems to suggest that the technique isn't as effective or they've found it has negative consequences.

• 72 percent of experienced moms are less likely to use spanking

• 28 percent of experienced moms are more likely to use spanking

What's the most popular method of disciplining kids today?

It's a tie. The time-out and removing privileges are both high on the list of corrections methods, far outweighing spanking.

Ninety percent of our survey-takers use time-outs and withholding privileges - and these are popular across the ages (including toddlers). The most common age for moms to introduce the time-out is between the ages of 12 and 23 months, followed by the twos.

One mother testifies, "My kids have always responded well to time-outs, small losses of privileges, redirection in preschool, and grounding and loss of privilege when they got older. I've always seen these situations as opportunities to teach them and guide them in expected behavior."

Even moms who've used spanking praise the time-out and have swapped swatting for time-outs: "When I spanked, my older son started showing aggressive behavior toward his younger brother. We switched over to time-outs in the corner and our whole household is progressing in a more positive way."

And parents aren't beyond using the technique themselves. Admits one survey-taker: "Sometimes I get so frustrated with my kids, I take a time-out for myself to calm down."

• 90 percent of moms use loss of privileges (in contrast with 78 percent of their parents)

• 90 percent of moms use time-outs (in contrast with just 31 percent of their parents)

• 52 percent of moms use grounding

• 31 percent use yelling

• 25 percent force the child to apologize

What are some effective alternatives to spanking?

We get it - there are days when you're at your wit's end, and no matter what disciplinary magic tricks to pull out of your hat, your little one refuses to behave.

If you're looking for alternatives to spanking, check out this chart of discipline styles to find one that works for you and your family, and try these age-based techniques:

Babies, birth to age 1: Babies are too young to understand right and wrong, so reasoning with them or expecting them to follow rules isn't realistic. Instead:

• Use a firm "no." Babies learn to associate this word with objects they shouldn't touch, and you're setting the stage for rules later on. Don't punish. Simply say "no" and move your child away.

• Redirect. Distracting babies with a toy or directing their attention to another interesting part of the room may be all it takes to sidestep unwanted behavior.

Toddlers, ages 1 and 2: Kids this age will push the boundaries, so expect some push and pull as they explore their world.

• Impose reasonable consequences. While these children are still too young to understand a lot of reasoning, they will start connecting the dots when it comes to actions and consequences. If your toddler bites his buddy, say "we don't bite," remove him to another area, and explain, "you can't play with your friend if you bite." The lesson? The consequence for biting is not being allowed to play with a pal.

• Introduce a short time-out. The rule of thumb for time-outs is one minute for every year - so 2-year-olds can spend two minutes sitting in a playpen or another safe area while they cool off after a tantrum, for example.

• Reward good behavior. It's never too early to praise good behavior as a way of cementing the kind of values you're trying to teach. If your toddler shares his toy in a playgroup, call attention to his generosity. He'll be more likely to repeat behavior he's praised for.

Preschoolers, age 3 and 4: Preschoolers are still testing boundaries, but they're capable of rational thought, so you have more leeway in terms of reasoning with them.

• Talk it out. Children this age are just beginning to be able to understand why some behavior is okay and some isn't. Be concise and clear with your explanation ("we don't take things without asking, it hurts people's feelings") and let your child know exactly what you expect next time and what the consequences will be if your expectations aren't met.

• Distract. Preschoolers are still prone to the emotional meltdown. Sometimes, the best way to handle an emotional outburst is simply to change the subject or the setting.

• Time-outs. You don't want to overuse this technique, but it is a successful way to address truly bad behavior. Kids this age are capable of using the time-out to ponder what just happened and to simply settle down and relax, so that when the time-out is over (no longer than a few minutes) you can talk to your child calmly about how to better handle the situation the next time.

• Right the wrong...together. With your child, model the correct behavior or make reparations. If a toy was snatched, return the toy together. You might even consider taking a time-out with your preschooler, by sitting quietly nearby to model the "chilling out" effect you expect.

Big kids, ages 5 to 8:

• Withhold privileges. Kids this age are capable of forethought, so they may be swayed - in the right direction - if they know they're going to lose TV time or a favorite toy if they don't do what they're told. If you threaten to take away a fun activity or toy, be sure to follow through.
• Enforce consequences. Sometimes the most useful ways to discipline is to simply let life take its course. In other words, if your child has broken a favorite toy by throwing it in anger, he'll have to save up his allowance money to buy a new one - or have to spend time gluing it back together.
  
• Grounding. Short groundings - say a one-day stint staying in the house, or skipping a fun outing - can be effective for kids this age. Don't ground your child for too long or he'll become resentful and focus more on the anger than the lesson.

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Article Source: BabyCenter.com - http://www.babycenter.com/spanking?intcmp=Nav_HP_Hero1&pn=BC%20Homepage

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